My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
