After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
