I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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