I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
