I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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