No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
