My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
