Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
