I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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