I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
