I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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