the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
