three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
