If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
