Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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