it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
