I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wish my penis had a tongue
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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