First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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