He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
