please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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