Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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