dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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