Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
