Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
