im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
