I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
