I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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