I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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