I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
