How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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