I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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