Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
