I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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