in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
