He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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