Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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