Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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