It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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