my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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