They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
