Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
