I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
