I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
