we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
