and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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