When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
