I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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