If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
