He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
