I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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